A little over 9 yrs ago we gave birth to the sweetest little girl and then the hardest journey of our lives began. She was born with a severe congenital heart defect that required 3 open heart surgeries and numerous hospitalizations to fix.

Shortly after Emily’s birth, before we even had time to comprehend all this, we were told that if we were to have another baby, that baby would have a 80% chance of having a heart condition, and it was recommended that we not have more children.

My parents at the same time were stressing to us that we shouldn’t have more children for medical and financial reasons. So we made the decision to do the vasectomy.

Only later did we find out that Emily’s heart condition was not caused by genetics but by methotrexate that I had been treated with about 3 wks before getting pregnant. And now we are left feeling like we were misled, that we were cheated from what our family could have been.

After much thought and prayer we are looking into having a vas reversal, but that is VERY expensive, so what do we do? I feel like every month my hopes are dashed and that there is a empty spot in our family needing to be filled. I long to feel the baby kicking, to hold my baby, to nurse him or her. And until God provides a miracle or we can come up with the money, we will be left to feeling like something is missing